A Loss of Spark

I feel it is incumbent upon me to offer a preface to my message. Were it not for CrossFit, my life would certainly be on a different course. I would not have met so many astounding people. I would not have met my wife, and would not have my two children or a third in transit. I would not have had a secondary source of income while I wandered my way through a number of careers. It is, in fact, coaching at CrossFit gyms that led me to my career in education. Finally, were it not for CrossFit, I would have not found an outlet and methodology to fuel and cultivate my competitive passion.

Competition is what has compelled me to write this message. Competition is what steered me away from bars and bicep curls. It cemented me in a community that was ripe with ambitious people. People eager to foster their own success, as well as the success of others, regardless of the metric.

This will be my 9th year with the CrossFit Open, and my 10th year as a competitor in the CrossFit Games. I’ve been a CrossFit coach for over 8 years. I can still recall the days of yore, watching Josh Everett complete an AMRAP of Shoulder to Overhead at 155 pounds at the 2010 California Regional in Irvine. I remember watching the woman I would marry, compete at the first CrossFit Games in Carson in 2011, and watching her team finish 6th at the Games in 2012.

Each of these memories was built in the relationships borne along the way. Relationships made with gym members, and coaches and athletes from other gyms. The “backyard bbq” camaraderie flourished throughout the weekends of Regionals and the Games. On the floor, there was killer instinct. Off of it, were hugs and cries and congratulations. Everyone knew each other. They had seen one another at local competitions. They had shared throwdown weekends when boxes chose to host each other for fun. The organic bonds that grew out of the competitive roots of the CrossFit Games are the hallmark of my fondness for “this thing we do,” as a friend of mine likes to say.

But, in the past 18 months, my perspective has changed. I underwent a serious surgery that pulled me out of the Open last year. I got to play the exclusive role of coach, while I recovered. I got to see the volume of competitors that were welcomed to regionals (the playoffs as I like to lovingly consider them) shrink. Regions were combined, invitation numbers reduced, and the size of teams, abbreviated. Of course, I selfishly considered the impact to my own Regionals hopes. But, as the announcements of media team layoffs and the eventual beheading of the entire Regionals process made their way before my eyes, I considered other impacts. The days of regular human beings, with careers and families, competing and building friendships with one another, have all but passed.

It is the responsibility of CrossFit to ensure the world’s best end up on the stage in Madison, or wherever the next venue may be. Those that have dedicated their lives to the “Sport of Fitness” deserve such an opportunity. However, were it not for the “backyard BBQ” that Dave and his friends built back in 2007, would that stage exist?

All grassroots sports that experience explosive success are forced into change. Those changes will elicit a response from the communities that fostered their success. Not all of those responses will be positive. But, to see those communities draw away from the fold by nearly one third in one competition cycle, feels like more than a standard backlash.

I've come to the notion that these communities feel as though their local racehorses have been disenfranchised. The sport they built, has been moved beyond their reach. Each year, as I've watched footage of daily recaps from each of the Regionals, I could identify the names of dozens of competitors I had seen throughout the years. I would see Instagram videos posted by mothers, fathers, siblings or friends, cheering for THEIR athletes along the barricades of the arenas. They had people to support. They were returning the favor for someone that had cheered them through the Open. With Regionals the way of the Do-Do, and the volume and location of Sanctional events quite limited, where and when can these fans cheer? And, for whom?

CrossFit has become a professional sport. It is no longer the “backyard BBQ” of its roots. To think that people of all walks would continue to earn the opportunity to compete on the international stage indefinitely, would be a farce. As the level of competition has elevated beyond that of many people’s dreams, the parameters have been altered accordingly. But, I can not recall a similar instance where a sport eliminated the playoff segment of its season. The search for the “Fittest on Earth” does not have to be the shortest distance between two points. But, it feels as though it is devolving into such contest. The “CrossFit Open” is intended to encourage as many as possible to test themselves. However, even some of the world’s top competitors have opted out, in lieu of other competitions offering a simpler route to the elusive CrossFit Games. Changes to the benchmark of CrossFit’s community competition should be intended to promote continued growth in participation. It would appear the changes brought about in recent months have not met that target. At last measure, CrossFit Open registration was down 32% worldwide.

It is Sunday afternoon, and I still do not know if I will do the Crossfit Open this year. I have received pressure from a number of friends to “just do it." I might do it, I might not. But, I know that the spark that has glowed in me for the CrossFit Games, and "Open Season," has dwindled. I hope I can find a way to bring it back.

passive aggressive tendencies

I like to consider myself and avid recreational sociologist. In lay men's terms, I like to people watch and breakdown what I see. Many times I can find extensive pleasure while sitting in an airport terminal. As each individual walks by I, my instincts take over, and my mind begins to conjure this person's story. I don't focus as much on where they are coming from or headed to, but rather their characteristics. Are they cocky, demure, outgoing, a pacifist or my future wife or sister-in-law.

It is a fun little game, and it can become even more interesting when the person stays in your eyeline for extended periods of time. Having more minutes to watch them in their ways gives you the chance to test your theories and speculations.

Well, that is the sort of sociological evaluating I do in recreational settings. Being a person with quite prominent ADHD, my mind is constantly seeking new stimulation and occupation. That being said, I can't help but ponder the causal mechanisms behind each word, tick and movement my senses are able to catch. I find my senses especially heightened while at work, and especially so when in negotiations with representatives of other companies.

It is the job of both parties involved in the negotiation to reach and end result that is beneficial in both the long and short run (ideally). I have become more and more aware, through my repetitive observation and analysis, that ego can frequently block ideal success. The potential to acquire power and leverage in a given situation, as miniscule as it may be, can leave many mouths watering.

To deny that I have fallen victim to such trivial acquisitions of power on a number of occasions would be an outright lie. But, I do have the ability to say that such desires have not brought me to dishonesty for personal pleasure. Many times the lies that have been thrown my way were given for no other reason that to make me look foolish. There was no profit to be made, now leverage to be gained, and certainly no benefit to the relationship to be had. It was nothing more than sheer passive aggressive behavior. Use of control for control's sake.

What sparks repetitive passive-aggressiveness?? Were these all the fat kids in school?? Were these all social outcasts?? Are they still social outcasts?? Is it their position at work, their position in the marriage??

There are endless possibilities of what is responsible. Regardless, I think binding factor for any of the things that is actually responsible is self-esteem. These people lack enough perceived personal value to feel adequate with themselves. They need small victories in insignificant situations, even if they come at the expense of the respect of others. I certainly know that I lose more and more respect with each instance where passive aggressive behavior is utilized. Honesty is one of my most cherished traits, in myself and in others. And whether you a person explicitly lies in their passive aggressive act, the acts themselves are based upon false pretenses, and therefore inherently dishonest.

Be forthright. Who really wants a passive aggressive jackass as a friend??

the first time is not always of greatest consequence

One of the most common rhetorical phrases regarding relationships and people is "first impressions are the most important." Upon further examination, I beg to differ with this conclusion on multiple levels: people are not typically that shallow, are memories are too short and seldom do our notions of anything remain fixed (be they people or places or bed sheets).

The phrase has persisted more as a mechanism to keep people in close awareness of their behavior, regardless if that behavior is actually of such great consequence. The phrase is absolutely good to keep in mind for interviews, and when requesting money or support of strangers. However, the need for such pressure to be placed on one's self when meeting strangers is illogical and plain stressful.

We meet new people quite regularly. More times than not, these people have either had a brief opportunity to observe us prior to the verbal introduction, or have been advised by mutual friends about our basic characteristics. The greater point being, we seldom go in blind. Even if no preparations have been made, our affiliation with the introducer allows for a small level of insight into this "new" person's qualities. Quite frankly, our friends would not be introducing us on their behalf if they didn't personally approve of the person, or think that the two parties could be agreeable.

A second point that can be drawn to tarnish the validity of the "first impression" myth is the natural process of building relationships. People usually meet on multiple occasions before they conclude whether or not a person is considered a friend. Placing someone in the friend category is not (or should not) be a quick trigger pull. We have to evaluate these people on multiple levels. Hear their views on specific topics of personal importance (religion, politics, education, music, movies, etc.).

These things are important on varying levels to every individual. However, the likelihood of all of the litmus test information being divulged in the first meeting is less than slim. It sometimes take me two to three dates to decide whether or not to kiss a girl. And, my standards for friendship are even higher. I don't try to get a person through the evaluation process in a single "go," because the process should not be rushed. Quickdraw conclusions, such as those acquired during first impressions, only lead to misinterpretation.

The final and most ironic aspect is that by putting on a front for a first meeting, will only provide a person with false pretenses under which to make quick conclusions about you. It is true that to put on a best face is good, because a person can conclude whether they see potential for future encounters, but facades, by definition, attempts to cloak or alter the raw truth. Do we really want to begin a relationship because of our interpretation of misleading information.

The shoot off of the facade issue, is that it is not feasible for us to believe that we can keep up the charade for the extent of the relationship, nor will we have the energy to do so. Not to mention the mental acuity required to keep up such a role playing game does not allow for much slacking off. Intimate relationships that fail after that two or three month honeymoon period are perfect examples of the imminent failure of a facade. When the guard is let down and the truth comes out, you feel like you are dating a stranger with a familiar face and voice.

Be honest and forthcoming. Ask as many questions as you can. But above all, be real. Most people do have pretty good bull-shit detectors, and some have amazing ones. In the end, it is the people who know us best that can provide us with that council and support we need in rough times. Unless are best pals know us to the core, they are of no help.

First impressions are mostly bull-shit. The close encounters of a third and fourth kind are the ones that "seal the deal." ;)

"Time is on my side"...or is it??

As of late, I have become a believer of the notion that too much time can be the perfect opportunity for a catastrophe. All too often we hear those we know complain of not having enough time. I can't deny that I have not been a frequent complainer of my limited "free time." But, my new lifestyle as a young and independent working professional has led to quite an alteration to my previous perception.

When before I could not find enough time for myself, I now do all I can to avoid the impending hours of solitude. I have always been a person that is very much dependent upon my personal relationships, be they with family, friends or a "significant other." not only do they provide the moral support and a friendly ear (as I seem to frequently need), sometimes just having a familiar warm body in the seat next to you in the car or the couch while watching TV, can lift my mood exponentially.

As much as I believe I prefer company to solitude simply because I easily find myself feeling lonely; I now realize that limiting my "alone time" has proved beneficial for what may be a much more important reason.

Every minute that a person sits idly and without company is yet another opportunity for them to readdress and reassess the events of the past. As a highly critical and analytical over-thinker, more time for reverie is the absolute last thing I need more of. (Yes I finished a sentence in a preposition, so shot me MLA diehards)

Each moment that provides me the chance to re-think someone's speech, recent text message, or body language is another chance for me to second-guess my initial (and historically speaking, more valid) evaluation of the incident. With enough time on their hands, just about anyone is liable to drive themselves mad.

Statistics show that just like the Irish, people of high intelligence are more probable to succumb to drug and alcohol abuse.

Now, to softly toot my own horn, I'm in the sharper group of the tools in the proverbial shed. So, to alot myself further time to over-analyze every syllable my friend said three hours ago, is sure to drive me crazy, and most likely to a fond taste for beer and whisky, as a means to shut my brain off. (Wait, hmm...that's already sort of happening)

My general point is that though time can be a terrible thing to waste, many times putting it to use can prove to be more detrimental in the general scheme of things. It perhaps might be better to use excess time for the purposes of perfecting thumb-twiddling techniques or honing advanced teeth-picking strategies instead.

Perhaps I'm saying that I'd rather spend a couple of hours glued to the boob-tube than in deep concentration. I'd rather fry some brain cells than let them push me to the edge of utter confusion.

HAPPY THINKING EVERYONE.

the week of shortcomings

This was definitely not an uneventful week. With the passing of multiple celebrities and what proves to be a groundbreaking bipartisan effort for the state government, there was a lot to sit by and observe. However, it seems to continue to be a week of shortcomings.

I can not say that I was any less shocked and saddened by the passing of the beloved Michael Jackson. Bigger than a man, he was in fact an entity. Men are remembered for singular efforts or achievements. Legends and "Kings," are remembered because they accomplished something far greater then most can fathom. Michael Jackson was a humanitarian, a ground-breaker, and innovator and above all an entertainer. He made a living bringing pleasure into the home and through the stereos of millions of human beings. Though the closing years of his life were riddled with rumors and legal matters and extensive gossip, we must hope that the memory of the greater man is preserved and resonates above the less glorifying portions of his life.

Just as the San Francisco Giants were leading the Milwaukee Brewers on Saturday evening, and with the aide of Brian Wilson were able to do nothing short of blow the game, Team USA blew a two nil  lead over Brasil in the Confederations Cup. It seems like it was a week of perceived triumphs that fell short. 

And just like Team USA fell short of a victory that was never anticipated to have a chance, the state legislature demonstrated a fascinating bipartisan effort in the passage of the democratic budget balance package. The representatives of both the republican and democratic farms gathered on Thursday and were apparently able to settle their differences and rescue the state and their constituents. How noble for politicians to work towards a solution for the people. This almost bears the resemblance of a functioning political system.

But of course, as I noted it to be a week of shortcomings, the apparently fiscal and political achievement followed sort. The proposed package was actually not a complete solution, as it fell just short of the more than $50 million in cutbacks that are necessary to get the state out of the red. Unfortunately, for our Governator, just short is not good enough. Upon the announcement of the package's congressional approval, Schwarzeneggar made his own announcement that he would be vetoing the package once it reached his desk. He said that he did not want a "piece-meal solution" to the state's budget crisis.

Frankly this reeks of sour grapes for his own Republican camp being unable to propose a solution that gained bipartisan support. Where the guv's months of effort and salary threats failed to motivate or result in solution, a Democratic document proved to succeed. Granted as the July 28th deadline for when the state will "run out of money" has gotten closer, the pressure has probably set in at the capital for the need to forge a solution. Aside from what the causal mechanism may actually be, just when we thought we had an approved temporary solution to the budget crisis, we had the rug swept out from under us, due to the principals of our Governator. Putting the squeeze on our representatives is not going to result in a better solution. A step in the right direction is usually adequate for most people. Apparently the Governator must destroy all budget problems with a solitary crushing blow, so the problems won't say "I'll be back!" 

I'm Back.

Wow, it has been over 2 months since we last spoke. Please keep that extended period of silence in mind when I excessively ramble throughout the length of this entry.

What have these months brought. Some pleasant, and not so pleasant times. I have spent many hours with friends lately. Be it mostly drinking in the bars, I still consider time spent with friends, regardless of the venue, and usually regardless of the circumstances, to be time well spent, and time when the best of memories are made.

So back to that drinking thing. My view, I am 22 years old. I have a very good job for my age (especially for this economy), I am in great health (aside from those occasional cigarettes and the mild alcohol induced liver damage), and I have no real priorities outside of work to keep me tied down. I choose to drink, predominantly because it is the primary social activity of my age bracket. Most people my age have no dire responsibilities aside from our jobs. We enjoy having fun. And going to a bar, kicking back a few (and it seems to often for some people, too many), and laughing and hugging it up with my closest friends and acquaintances, gives me almost the same amount of joy as a good shag. 

Yes I said shag, as the more commonly used terms would just ruin the light-hearted nature of this entry.

All of that being said. I have probably never been happier. As I have spent most of my life single, being single at the moment has left me only slightly more bummed, if any, than I have ever been. I am so busy with cars, friends, the gym and work. That I have far less thinking and pondering time than I did in college. I have always tried very hard to keep myself occupied. Maybe my ADHD have been my saving grace for being "emo" about being without a GF. 

Yes, I want a GF. No, I'm not going to join E-Harmony. Yes, I am taking the, "it will happen when it will happen approach." No further questions.

So, being nearly my actual bed time, and believing that this briefly composed entry seems rather complete and well-rounded, I am going to close with a short conclusion.

This will probably end up being the best year of my life so far. It seems to only be improving. Yeah, work can be stressful, and I hope that the California Air Resources Board is dismantled and SMOG will cease to exist, but beyond that, I have no grounds for any complaint. Except for maybe to have all human beings who drive on my commute to magically learn to "merge" overnight.

Good night folks.

feeling stuck

It happens far too often to far too many of us aspiring adults. In a world where change is so prevalent and constant you'd expect us to be more capable and willing to adjust to change, or to seek it out. Well, unfortunately not.

We seem to love voluntary new stuff, rather than the changes and alterations that were not borne by our own free will. In the same token, so many things that we wish could be changed never will. And many other things we try to alter to our own avail continually fall short of our expectations. But it is just these challenges that make us stronger, wiser and far better off. POENA PAR SAPIENTIA. It is a Latin phrase that means "pain/punishment for knowledge." It is this notion that helps me to deal with the constant frustration I experience when things do not turn out as intended, or things come at me without my expectation and are unwanted. The best thing we can all do is benefit from the unfortunate. Silver linings are not always obvious, and seldom outweigh the damage of the greater cloud, but we all need something to look forward to.

oh to be..

Oh to be one of the beautiful people. It must be a tremendously fine existence to regularly feel holier than thou. but, I 'm glad it is not my existence.

The locale that I visited this passed weekend seemed to be filled with people trying too hard. I don't imagine that the majority of them are too conceited or rude, however, I get the inkling that they are all putting on a facade so that their confidants and acquaintances believe they are in fact the hip and trendy. I don't blame them for trying; however, I hope to never find myself in the same position, at least to so obvious an extent.

poena par sapientia

East and West

The cultures of the world constantly clash, they constantly intermingle, and they constantly find a way to sustain their existence in spite of each other.

When it comes tot he Far East and typical western culture, there are many cultural aspects that one could indicate are similar, if not identical.

The western values of greed and the bible's "Golden Rule," have both found their ways to the ends of the earth, with a few exceptions.

Of the social mores that have not been identically transferred to the Far East is business practices. This statement is not intended to offend the Far East, or indict the West, it is nothing more or less than an observation.

Business in the Far East is conducted on an "as-needed" basis. They work later and longer hours. their day begins later than in western culture, and ends when work is concluded, not when the clock strikes 5, or 6 etc.

From my personal exp it seems as if personal space, and personal time are of no consequence when it comes to the sake of business (for the Far East). Bottom dollar or top dollar is the goal, and shall be the aspect at the determines when business is considered concluded. If a greater profit margin can be attained through late hour negotiations, why should their be any objections?

The problems that can arise from such a perspective to business is that it clashes with western business practices. In the West your rise with the sun, bust your ass through the day, and the result at sundown is what will have to remain until the light shines again in the morning. It kind of follows the perspective that the business day is just that, the day. With the arrival of the evening, comes the necessary departure from the office, and the mental departure from the work that transpires within it.

Of course critical situations necessitate extensive measures. However, what exactly defines critical? The East seems to be much more willing to go the extra mile in any given situation. Perhaps Americans just do not work hard enough. Perhaps the Far East just works too hard.

We have all at one time or another probably heard, or had the phrase "a case of the Mondays" explained to us. The phrase has become synonymous with the now cult classic film "Office Space."

In my line of work, I frequently have phone conversations with the people. Instead of getting right down to business immediately after each has confirmed the other's identity, we creat small talk. Now, the small talk is very relevant and important to the relationships I must maintain with these people. the main context of each talk may not leave the fate of our business relationship in the balance, but nonetheless, it remains necessary.

the common opening line used at the beginning of the week is similar, if not precisely, "so how's it going?" I find myself almost always saying, "well...it's Monday." The intended message of course is that: it is Monday, Mondays can only be so good, and my day is just...blah.

However, in all truth, I seldom have had any event occur, to the point which would make my day any better or worse than any other day of the week. It is as if I feel compelled to say my day is not going well. Granged Monday, as a day of the week, always leaves you aware that it is the first day of the work week, with four more to follow before the weekend.

Where does this compuslion for sour grapes come from. It feels as thoug hI do not want to appear too content, or even happy to be alive, working and healthy. On the other days of the week I frequently respond to inquiries of being with "Can't complain so far." Yet, even that goruping of words is still a glass half-empty evaluation. Why do we seem to be more inclined to cite the negative , or not acknowldege the potentially positive day we are in the midst of? It is as though we don't want to be happy.

Perhaps it is because the worse we convince ourselfvesd the working week is ultimately the better we will perceive the weekend to be. And for the those of us who live for the weekend (which is the overwhelming majority), by diluding ourselves to the greatness that is and can be Monday through Friday, we are able to sruvive the week and embrace the weekend.

Coffee Shop Warriors

Coffee shop work seems like it might be for the attention (I write this while sitting amidst those whom I'm indicting).

People come to a coffee shop with lots of windows and therefore lots of watchers. But, there are two types of attention they may be craving: The looks of others, and/or the distraction of others.

They may be looking for a place to be passively social. They can be adeep in thought, or work, and honestly fixated with their tasks. But, there remains a glimmer of hope, that people will give them attention, if only for ever-so-brief a moment.

On the contrary, perhaps these same "coffee shop warriors" may prefer the venue for working because of the freedom and distraction that proceeds outside of the gigantic windows that surround them.

The world outside of their corner java shop is the perfect subtle distraction. It allows them spurts of entertainment when a sporadic break silently abruptly announces itself to their brain. They can look up, and out, and find an object that allows them to temporarily wipe the slate clean, and be amused, entertained, bewildered or merely intrigued by some sort of occurrence that is transpiring beyond the glass.

For whatever the reason, these people still better get the work they brought with them completed as intended, or else it is all a huge moot point.

Keep your lemons fresh.

Well...it has been exactly one month "since we last spoke" (thank you RJD2 for that line). What a month it has been. Growth, learning, happiness and definitely fear. In the past month I have begun to settle into my new job, I have had a parent in the hospital for a potentially serious condition, I have moved into a new place, and have seen the country's population scramble as citizens attempt to secure their employment. That is a mouthful at least (that's what she said).

The job is going well. I would be withholding the truth if I neglected to state that the position has not left me stressed and much more drawn to drink when I get home. It has given me the motivation to burn off stress and tension in the gym, so I am very proud of the way I'm looking. However, I am tired all the time, so I have an appreciation for weekends like that which I have never known. Even working 40 hour weeks at an oil plant driving a forklift and doing repeated heavy lifting was not as exhausting. Mental exhaustion exceeds any physical exhaustion (you are more than welcome to pick a bone with me regarding this).

So, the parent thing. Yes, I had a bit of a scare with my mother. She was in the hospital for a few days. Apparently she may have had a string of mini-strokes. They gave her some numbness. Fortunately a few days later they let her return home and all was well.

The unfortunate aspect of this event was the fact that I was actually out of state at the time I received the news of her hospitalization. A brief call from my brother saying "dad called, mom is numb on her side, they are going in the hospital."

How is one supposed to process such a bit of news. Truthfully, I regularly think to myself how I would react or cope with the loss of a close family member. The thought of losing either one of my parents leaves me emotionally troubled. I can not imagine myself without the support system that is my parents. They are the reference books to my life. I try to take what life gives me in stride. However, I turn to my father and mother for suggestion as to how I should fight back when rolling with the punches that are part of being.

Some may say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Some now are saying "paint that shit gold," after a now semi-popular hip-hop album. My take, when life gives you lemons, hoard them. Study them. Find out what they've been through so your life doesn't become lemonade. Find a way to keep your lemons fresh.

always different yet always the same

well it has been some time since my last organized rambling. i must regard that this entry is going to be filled with more happiness and less cynicism than normal. i got the job. yes that job that was really my only prospect. the job that i was able to find in the sludge of an economy. that job that will pay me well enough to have more money than i need, and enough to keep me comfortable, happy and feeling mature. the job that isn't just a job...but a career. this "job" is hopefully my opening into a profession that i may continue to engage in for decades to come. i can not say whether or not this particular job with this particular company will continue forever, but i hope that it is the skills i retrieve from working in this position, with this company, with these people, that will be the lifeblood for the rest of my working years. i think i'm going to love this job, and this is after only one week. nothing stays the same. it is always different, yet somewhat the same because i interact with the same 30 or 40 people regularly, but the content is always different, yet always the same.

the context of the job is not important, the field of industry is irrelevant. all that i find pertinent to divulge to my so numerous readers is that i am pleased and proud of myself. i earned this job. it is partially to thank due to my years of hard work in school, i must not disregard that. however, i believe it is the talking and critical thinking that i had to turn to during my 4 interviews for the position that proved myself worthy and capable.

so...i bid you good morrow as i pat myself on the back.

which mantra are we to follow

As I listened to the Billy Joel song "Vienna" the first few times it sparked a reverie within me. Are we to head the advice of the Piano Man, and others who similarly believe that you should not try to grow up too young, or the less enticing instructions from our elders demanding early maturity.

It is becoming more and more common for youths of my age and disposition to live at home longer, to not necessarily go to college, and to not necessarily find a career immediately after they have finished their education (whether by choice or not). This trend of post-high schoolers and collegers returning to the once empty nest, or never leaving, seems to be continually frowned upon by the parents of these blood-suckers.

I can not deny, as many believe, that laziness and limited desire for independence is to blame. However, I think that much of the causality can be aimed towards the big bad world that teens and twentysomethings with limited facial hair have to face. The blue collar world of the fifties, sixties and seventies, is no more. Outsourcing and insourcing and supply-chaining has drastically reduced the number of domestic workers needed to keep multi-national or multi-province companies operating smoothly.

The cost of living, especially in California, in conjunction with taxes and the appallingly low minimum wage make the early independence of our parents a dream of the past. Moving out and buying a home before you are the age of 25 with out a spouse is nearly a fantasy. Even though the present housing market is a buyers dream, the poor lending practices of the national banking system have prevented it from being a "first-time" buyer's dream.

Careers just are not as available as they once were. The amount of money to be made while starting at the bottom rung is almost not worth it without the years of experience to promote your initial salary.

It makes sense why many of my generation want to stay close to home. The laziness is permissible to my kind, because of the safety net that accompanies. I do not know how many of fellow high school graduates spent hours and hours at restaurants and Starbucks counters. Even if some of these examples are the ones that have moved out with a boyfriend, or good friend, they can barely stay afloat working full-time jobs of this calibur. When are they supposed to get the education required for position that were once being thrown at high school graduates?? Why do people all of a sudden need a bachelor's degree to manage a restaurant or small office?? The abundance of college graduates does not magically make these positions harder to hold and carry out the duties of. The standards and obstacles for jobs that have been around for decades have floated just as fast as the inflation rate, and left those with limited income, or natural born intelligence without the slightest possibility to compete.

This is leading me to believe my generation, will become the generation of lifelong renters, the generation of life long double-jobbers, the generation of dreams and hopes that were put on permanent hold and stand-by. WE CAN'T GET THE JOB WITHOUT THE EXPERIENCE, AND WE CAN'T GET THE EXPERIENCE WITHOUT THE JOB.

So I ask, are we supposed to grow up fast and thrust ourselves into the big bad world as soon as we can, or are we to take our time and figure it out and find a path that is bearable and profitable?? What do you want me to do Moms and Dads??

to teach...

to teach is a skill and a desire. As I am now a substitute teacher in my home town...I have a totally different perspective on education than I once held. I have been around education, particularly special education my entire life. I have worked with children with simply learning disabilities, to children with serious mental handicaps.

But, it wasn't until I entered a classroom as a leader, not an assistant or aide, that I realized the deficiency in our public education system. They will allow with, a recent college graduate, who fortunately has much more teaching experience that most in my position or age bracket, teach, or babysit a class.

I don't find this to be proposterous...but unusually trustworthy.

I'm not truly complaining due to the fact that this is one o the few employment opportunities I can arrange with little to no useful work experience. It is nice to know that the state of California sees the value in having a bachelor's degree, even if the majority of businesses seem not to.

With the economy in dire straits, experience seems to not only be the key to success, but mere employment. Many of my fellow recent graduates are maintaining jobs that do not require their available education level, merely because the market has such competition, and companies seem rather unwilling to provide the time, money and effort necessary to train and prepare a new hire for their position. They would rather plop someone in front of a computer screen knowing they could say "GO" and the individual would know what to do immediately.

This trend is rather unfortunate for my generation as the offspring of baby boomers in today's job market. However, with the baby boomers all creeping ever-so-closely to that retirement age, these corporations that have been employing this work force 30 plus years out of college, are facing a drop in the job pool. Once my parent's generation retires, they will have to bite the bullet and employ the lowly unskilled college grad.

The irony is with testing, curriculum and intense competition of enrollment in today's universities, I must toot my generation's own horn and say that I think we are smarter than our parents. The ever increasing requirements to graduate high school, to gain acceptance (even into state universities) is rapidly increasing due to the high volume of applicants. Every college is fortunate enough to claim that their exclusivity is at a record high. All I have to say is...thank our parents for shelling out the 2.5 kids their parents did before them.

My simply request is to the employers of this world. Knowing the high level of achievement required to graduate and even to gain enrollment in today's colleges, why have you not demonstrated acknowledgment of a diploma as a valuable enough achievement to find an entry level position in your firms and corporations? Obviously we are smart...and more than capable of learning. Chances are we learned more in our undergrad studies than you did in your master's program.

Think it over and get back to me.

a time for...

So this is that time of the year when we reminisce about the fond and not so fond memories of the past 12 months. We meet with friends. We sit and talk. We say phrases and keywords that bring up inside jokes or our favorite movies. We, in the words of Dr. Dean Edell, "Eat, drink and be merry."

We crowd around to chime in the new year, some get a midnight kiss, and others don't. Some make it to the countdown...and unfortunately some don't. We remember friends lost, and cherish the friends gained. We feel it is a time for new beginnings...so many decide to forgive even if they decide not to forget. It is a time when we want to feel loved and and make others feel the loved.

But, the turn of the year is famously earmarked for our decision as a population to make promises. Typically they are promises to ourselves, but the occasional promises are for loved one. These resolutions as we call them are all to commonly far fetched. We make plans to lose 25 pounds, or be happier, or some other vague or unlikely-to-be-carried-out item. I can't say there has been a year in which I can recall what my resolution had been. Sometimes it can be mere months when we have forgotten our sacred personal promise.

So this year I have decided to adopt a tactic to prevent this. I am going to make a resolution to only make personal promises I know that I will keep. I don't want another year to go by with regrets. Your biggest regrets come from letting yourself down. Don't tried to avoid failure, but don't commit to it. Make the promises you know you can keep with the right work ethic.

Presently I don't have any resolution for myself. It has been a good year. I am only short on income, not friends or happiness. I am sure things will accumulate that I want myself to achieve. I can not change my personality or my less desirable character traits. However, I can do more things for myself. Not the purchasing of clothes or music or going out. I can do things that will be beneficial to me mentally. I will not limit the prospect of my own happiness due to fear of failure or rejection.

Happy New Year, and make it stay that way.

we USED to be fast cars and freedom

This entry was sparked after watching a film earlier today regarding a young vietnamese man's plight to America to find his American GI father. The story's primary focus is his horrific and degrading experience in his travels abroad and in America.

This young man never gives up for two reasons: his father, but more importantly his belief in the opportunities that America can provide immigrants. The film sheds some light into the inaccuracy of this age old belief of our nation.

Our society used to exist on the forefront of moral integrity. We are the country that supports religious, political, ideological and personal freedom. At least we present ourselves to be. Thousands of pieces of litigation, wire taps and court cases later, our certainty in our own moral fiber needs reevaluation.

We have become the country of bailouts, the outlawing of abortions, and one which has suspended the basis of our justice system...habeas corpus.

Our beliefs in the pursuit of our own happiness led us to a free-market system. This free-market system is responsible for us having the strongest economy in the world, or former economy. With China at the forefront of international economic growth, our government's decisions to repeatedly ignore suggestions and desires to allow for more regulation, all but forced our government to handout billions in loans and bailout money to the two cornerstones of our economy, cars and Wall Street.

The Big Three have been responsible for some of the greatest and fastest cars on the planet. But it was their unfortunate philosophy of bigger and faster is better that led them to the footsteps of the White House on bended-knee with bucket hat in hand. Gas prices shot up and forced the consumers to realize the luxury and speed characteristics that earmarked our country's vehicle design are astonishingly illogical. Why do we need so many 4x4s and pick up trucks?? Of course it has been the desires of the public that the manufacturers have played to. However, if not so many millions had been spent on advertising of the "all-new more powerful V-8 engine and never-to-be used extra head and cargo room," then perhaps the public would not be begging for it.

It has been our own ignorance of experts and statistics that has time and again plagued this nation's well-being. We continue to re-elect the same congressmen whom we blame for our financial insecurity and high cost of living. Fenno's Paradox is as alive and well as it has been for years. It is the perplexing position of individual's approval of their congressperson and contradictory disapproval of Congress as a whole.

It is these congresspeople who head the committees that submit the legislation that leads to the taxes we complain about, the poor status of our school and highways and approval of an ever-growing military budget. It is our elected officials that make the votes. We have no one to blame but ourselves. It is true that industry is in bed with congress. They have the money to provided for campaign contributions and lobbyists to see their interests acknowledged. But it was the elected officials of years passed that gave into the lobbyists and accepted those campaign contributions.

It is in fact our very own freedom that led the current infringement upon our rights. If we had made more educated decisions in previous elections, we might not be as disgruntled. We have moved from a nation of hope and happiness, to one of stress and fear.

But as Obama's Innaguration is around the corner, so too hopefully is birth of a new era. One of more coprorate and financial regulation. An era in which the greed of superconglomerates is no longer fed by the desire for reelection. Hopefully it is an era equated with the addressing of the interest of the public at large, and not the top tier of the economic sector. Perhaps it will be an era to lead us back to the persona of fast cars and freedom.

my favorite quote

"...that's what she said!"

Christmas Cheer...??

I have come to the conclusion that we are a strange society. We spend nearly an entire calendar month preparing for our Christmas celebrations. Hours of shopping accompanied by company parties and decorating.

Aside from the preparations is the so-called "spirit" of Christmas. It the time of year in which our culture has convinced us that we should be exceptionally courteous, giving and grateful. Whatever is necessary to guilt trip our society into kindness should be utilized. No quabbles with that.

The confusing portion of "Christmas Time" is how quickly it disappears. The countless hours of anticipation of those one or two days and nights of joy seems to dissipate miraculously by the 26th of December. Indeed some Christmas trees, lights and decorations may remain for the following week. But the fervor of that special time of year ceases to exist. People do not seem to have the smiles in their eyes. The courteousness and philanthropy have been all-used-up like the toilet paper roll.

Now that the holiday season is nearly over, we can once again expect our friends and family mentioning the failing economy, global warming and how much they loathe their jobs.

We spend so much time preparing, and are so quickly able to put Christmas behind us. Why doesn't Christmas extend further?? Why aren't gifts still exchanged and parties thrown beyond midnight of December 25th?? If Santa Claus has no problem sticking his ass into Thanksgiving, as comedian Lewis Black has stated, why can't Santa's fat keester push its way through to President's Day??, if not only for the reason to perpetuate further holiday cheer. Religion plays no role in my life aside from the fact I celebrate Christmas because it has nearly become an American obligation. But if we as a country could stretch the life of the Christmas "spirit," we would be able to extend the graciousness and good-doing that characterizes it. People would be happier and less-stressed about their lives further into the new year, and make life in this country that much more bearable.

I say leaves those "Merry Christmas," and "Happy Holidays" window paintings up through January, or the whole year if you dare. The is no denying the ability of the holiday season to cause a transformation in the psyches of millions of Americans. If it takes a never ending holiday season to maintain a more pleasant state-of-mind of our friends and neighbors, what, if anything, is wrong with that??