A Loss of Spark

I feel it is incumbent upon me to offer a preface to my message. Were it not for CrossFit, my life would certainly be on a different course. I would not have met so many astounding people. I would not have met my wife, and would not have my two children or a third in transit. I would not have had a secondary source of income while I wandered my way through a number of careers. It is, in fact, coaching at CrossFit gyms that led me to my career in education. Finally, were it not for CrossFit, I would have not found an outlet and methodology to fuel and cultivate my competitive passion.

Competition is what has compelled me to write this message. Competition is what steered me away from bars and bicep curls. It cemented me in a community that was ripe with ambitious people. People eager to foster their own success, as well as the success of others, regardless of the metric.

This will be my 9th year with the CrossFit Open, and my 10th year as a competitor in the CrossFit Games. I’ve been a CrossFit coach for over 8 years. I can still recall the days of yore, watching Josh Everett complete an AMRAP of Shoulder to Overhead at 155 pounds at the 2010 California Regional in Irvine. I remember watching the woman I would marry, compete at the first CrossFit Games in Carson in 2011, and watching her team finish 6th at the Games in 2012.

Each of these memories was built in the relationships borne along the way. Relationships made with gym members, and coaches and athletes from other gyms. The “backyard bbq” camaraderie flourished throughout the weekends of Regionals and the Games. On the floor, there was killer instinct. Off of it, were hugs and cries and congratulations. Everyone knew each other. They had seen one another at local competitions. They had shared throwdown weekends when boxes chose to host each other for fun. The organic bonds that grew out of the competitive roots of the CrossFit Games are the hallmark of my fondness for “this thing we do,” as a friend of mine likes to say.

But, in the past 18 months, my perspective has changed. I underwent a serious surgery that pulled me out of the Open last year. I got to play the exclusive role of coach, while I recovered. I got to see the volume of competitors that were welcomed to regionals (the playoffs as I like to lovingly consider them) shrink. Regions were combined, invitation numbers reduced, and the size of teams, abbreviated. Of course, I selfishly considered the impact to my own Regionals hopes. But, as the announcements of media team layoffs and the eventual beheading of the entire Regionals process made their way before my eyes, I considered other impacts. The days of regular human beings, with careers and families, competing and building friendships with one another, have all but passed.

It is the responsibility of CrossFit to ensure the world’s best end up on the stage in Madison, or wherever the next venue may be. Those that have dedicated their lives to the “Sport of Fitness” deserve such an opportunity. However, were it not for the “backyard BBQ” that Dave and his friends built back in 2007, would that stage exist?

All grassroots sports that experience explosive success are forced into change. Those changes will elicit a response from the communities that fostered their success. Not all of those responses will be positive. But, to see those communities draw away from the fold by nearly one third in one competition cycle, feels like more than a standard backlash.

I've come to the notion that these communities feel as though their local racehorses have been disenfranchised. The sport they built, has been moved beyond their reach. Each year, as I've watched footage of daily recaps from each of the Regionals, I could identify the names of dozens of competitors I had seen throughout the years. I would see Instagram videos posted by mothers, fathers, siblings or friends, cheering for THEIR athletes along the barricades of the arenas. They had people to support. They were returning the favor for someone that had cheered them through the Open. With Regionals the way of the Do-Do, and the volume and location of Sanctional events quite limited, where and when can these fans cheer? And, for whom?

CrossFit has become a professional sport. It is no longer the “backyard BBQ” of its roots. To think that people of all walks would continue to earn the opportunity to compete on the international stage indefinitely, would be a farce. As the level of competition has elevated beyond that of many people’s dreams, the parameters have been altered accordingly. But, I can not recall a similar instance where a sport eliminated the playoff segment of its season. The search for the “Fittest on Earth” does not have to be the shortest distance between two points. But, it feels as though it is devolving into such contest. The “CrossFit Open” is intended to encourage as many as possible to test themselves. However, even some of the world’s top competitors have opted out, in lieu of other competitions offering a simpler route to the elusive CrossFit Games. Changes to the benchmark of CrossFit’s community competition should be intended to promote continued growth in participation. It would appear the changes brought about in recent months have not met that target. At last measure, CrossFit Open registration was down 32% worldwide.

It is Sunday afternoon, and I still do not know if I will do the Crossfit Open this year. I have received pressure from a number of friends to “just do it." I might do it, I might not. But, I know that the spark that has glowed in me for the CrossFit Games, and "Open Season," has dwindled. I hope I can find a way to bring it back.

passive aggressive tendencies

I like to consider myself and avid recreational sociologist. In lay men's terms, I like to people watch and breakdown what I see. Many times I can find extensive pleasure while sitting in an airport terminal. As each individual walks by I, my instincts take over, and my mind begins to conjure this person's story. I don't focus as much on where they are coming from or headed to, but rather their characteristics. Are they cocky, demure, outgoing, a pacifist or my future wife or sister-in-law.

It is a fun little game, and it can become even more interesting when the person stays in your eyeline for extended periods of time. Having more minutes to watch them in their ways gives you the chance to test your theories and speculations.

Well, that is the sort of sociological evaluating I do in recreational settings. Being a person with quite prominent ADHD, my mind is constantly seeking new stimulation and occupation. That being said, I can't help but ponder the causal mechanisms behind each word, tick and movement my senses are able to catch. I find my senses especially heightened while at work, and especially so when in negotiations with representatives of other companies.

It is the job of both parties involved in the negotiation to reach and end result that is beneficial in both the long and short run (ideally). I have become more and more aware, through my repetitive observation and analysis, that ego can frequently block ideal success. The potential to acquire power and leverage in a given situation, as miniscule as it may be, can leave many mouths watering.

To deny that I have fallen victim to such trivial acquisitions of power on a number of occasions would be an outright lie. But, I do have the ability to say that such desires have not brought me to dishonesty for personal pleasure. Many times the lies that have been thrown my way were given for no other reason that to make me look foolish. There was no profit to be made, now leverage to be gained, and certainly no benefit to the relationship to be had. It was nothing more than sheer passive aggressive behavior. Use of control for control's sake.

What sparks repetitive passive-aggressiveness?? Were these all the fat kids in school?? Were these all social outcasts?? Are they still social outcasts?? Is it their position at work, their position in the marriage??

There are endless possibilities of what is responsible. Regardless, I think binding factor for any of the things that is actually responsible is self-esteem. These people lack enough perceived personal value to feel adequate with themselves. They need small victories in insignificant situations, even if they come at the expense of the respect of others. I certainly know that I lose more and more respect with each instance where passive aggressive behavior is utilized. Honesty is one of my most cherished traits, in myself and in others. And whether you a person explicitly lies in their passive aggressive act, the acts themselves are based upon false pretenses, and therefore inherently dishonest.

Be forthright. Who really wants a passive aggressive jackass as a friend??

the first time is not always of greatest consequence

One of the most common rhetorical phrases regarding relationships and people is "first impressions are the most important." Upon further examination, I beg to differ with this conclusion on multiple levels: people are not typically that shallow, are memories are too short and seldom do our notions of anything remain fixed (be they people or places or bed sheets).

The phrase has persisted more as a mechanism to keep people in close awareness of their behavior, regardless if that behavior is actually of such great consequence. The phrase is absolutely good to keep in mind for interviews, and when requesting money or support of strangers. However, the need for such pressure to be placed on one's self when meeting strangers is illogical and plain stressful.

We meet new people quite regularly. More times than not, these people have either had a brief opportunity to observe us prior to the verbal introduction, or have been advised by mutual friends about our basic characteristics. The greater point being, we seldom go in blind. Even if no preparations have been made, our affiliation with the introducer allows for a small level of insight into this "new" person's qualities. Quite frankly, our friends would not be introducing us on their behalf if they didn't personally approve of the person, or think that the two parties could be agreeable.

A second point that can be drawn to tarnish the validity of the "first impression" myth is the natural process of building relationships. People usually meet on multiple occasions before they conclude whether or not a person is considered a friend. Placing someone in the friend category is not (or should not) be a quick trigger pull. We have to evaluate these people on multiple levels. Hear their views on specific topics of personal importance (religion, politics, education, music, movies, etc.).

These things are important on varying levels to every individual. However, the likelihood of all of the litmus test information being divulged in the first meeting is less than slim. It sometimes take me two to three dates to decide whether or not to kiss a girl. And, my standards for friendship are even higher. I don't try to get a person through the evaluation process in a single "go," because the process should not be rushed. Quickdraw conclusions, such as those acquired during first impressions, only lead to misinterpretation.

The final and most ironic aspect is that by putting on a front for a first meeting, will only provide a person with false pretenses under which to make quick conclusions about you. It is true that to put on a best face is good, because a person can conclude whether they see potential for future encounters, but facades, by definition, attempts to cloak or alter the raw truth. Do we really want to begin a relationship because of our interpretation of misleading information.

The shoot off of the facade issue, is that it is not feasible for us to believe that we can keep up the charade for the extent of the relationship, nor will we have the energy to do so. Not to mention the mental acuity required to keep up such a role playing game does not allow for much slacking off. Intimate relationships that fail after that two or three month honeymoon period are perfect examples of the imminent failure of a facade. When the guard is let down and the truth comes out, you feel like you are dating a stranger with a familiar face and voice.

Be honest and forthcoming. Ask as many questions as you can. But above all, be real. Most people do have pretty good bull-shit detectors, and some have amazing ones. In the end, it is the people who know us best that can provide us with that council and support we need in rough times. Unless are best pals know us to the core, they are of no help.

First impressions are mostly bull-shit. The close encounters of a third and fourth kind are the ones that "seal the deal." ;)

"Time is on my side"...or is it??

As of late, I have become a believer of the notion that too much time can be the perfect opportunity for a catastrophe. All too often we hear those we know complain of not having enough time. I can't deny that I have not been a frequent complainer of my limited "free time." But, my new lifestyle as a young and independent working professional has led to quite an alteration to my previous perception.

When before I could not find enough time for myself, I now do all I can to avoid the impending hours of solitude. I have always been a person that is very much dependent upon my personal relationships, be they with family, friends or a "significant other." not only do they provide the moral support and a friendly ear (as I seem to frequently need), sometimes just having a familiar warm body in the seat next to you in the car or the couch while watching TV, can lift my mood exponentially.

As much as I believe I prefer company to solitude simply because I easily find myself feeling lonely; I now realize that limiting my "alone time" has proved beneficial for what may be a much more important reason.

Every minute that a person sits idly and without company is yet another opportunity for them to readdress and reassess the events of the past. As a highly critical and analytical over-thinker, more time for reverie is the absolute last thing I need more of. (Yes I finished a sentence in a preposition, so shot me MLA diehards)

Each moment that provides me the chance to re-think someone's speech, recent text message, or body language is another chance for me to second-guess my initial (and historically speaking, more valid) evaluation of the incident. With enough time on their hands, just about anyone is liable to drive themselves mad.

Statistics show that just like the Irish, people of high intelligence are more probable to succumb to drug and alcohol abuse.

Now, to softly toot my own horn, I'm in the sharper group of the tools in the proverbial shed. So, to alot myself further time to over-analyze every syllable my friend said three hours ago, is sure to drive me crazy, and most likely to a fond taste for beer and whisky, as a means to shut my brain off. (Wait, hmm...that's already sort of happening)

My general point is that though time can be a terrible thing to waste, many times putting it to use can prove to be more detrimental in the general scheme of things. It perhaps might be better to use excess time for the purposes of perfecting thumb-twiddling techniques or honing advanced teeth-picking strategies instead.

Perhaps I'm saying that I'd rather spend a couple of hours glued to the boob-tube than in deep concentration. I'd rather fry some brain cells than let them push me to the edge of utter confusion.

HAPPY THINKING EVERYONE.

the week of shortcomings

This was definitely not an uneventful week. With the passing of multiple celebrities and what proves to be a groundbreaking bipartisan effort for the state government, there was a lot to sit by and observe. However, it seems to continue to be a week of shortcomings.

I can not say that I was any less shocked and saddened by the passing of the beloved Michael Jackson. Bigger than a man, he was in fact an entity. Men are remembered for singular efforts or achievements. Legends and "Kings," are remembered because they accomplished something far greater then most can fathom. Michael Jackson was a humanitarian, a ground-breaker, and innovator and above all an entertainer. He made a living bringing pleasure into the home and through the stereos of millions of human beings. Though the closing years of his life were riddled with rumors and legal matters and extensive gossip, we must hope that the memory of the greater man is preserved and resonates above the less glorifying portions of his life.

Just as the San Francisco Giants were leading the Milwaukee Brewers on Saturday evening, and with the aide of Brian Wilson were able to do nothing short of blow the game, Team USA blew a two nil  lead over Brasil in the Confederations Cup. It seems like it was a week of perceived triumphs that fell short. 

And just like Team USA fell short of a victory that was never anticipated to have a chance, the state legislature demonstrated a fascinating bipartisan effort in the passage of the democratic budget balance package. The representatives of both the republican and democratic farms gathered on Thursday and were apparently able to settle their differences and rescue the state and their constituents. How noble for politicians to work towards a solution for the people. This almost bears the resemblance of a functioning political system.

But of course, as I noted it to be a week of shortcomings, the apparently fiscal and political achievement followed sort. The proposed package was actually not a complete solution, as it fell just short of the more than $50 million in cutbacks that are necessary to get the state out of the red. Unfortunately, for our Governator, just short is not good enough. Upon the announcement of the package's congressional approval, Schwarzeneggar made his own announcement that he would be vetoing the package once it reached his desk. He said that he did not want a "piece-meal solution" to the state's budget crisis.

Frankly this reeks of sour grapes for his own Republican camp being unable to propose a solution that gained bipartisan support. Where the guv's months of effort and salary threats failed to motivate or result in solution, a Democratic document proved to succeed. Granted as the July 28th deadline for when the state will "run out of money" has gotten closer, the pressure has probably set in at the capital for the need to forge a solution. Aside from what the causal mechanism may actually be, just when we thought we had an approved temporary solution to the budget crisis, we had the rug swept out from under us, due to the principals of our Governator. Putting the squeeze on our representatives is not going to result in a better solution. A step in the right direction is usually adequate for most people. Apparently the Governator must destroy all budget problems with a solitary crushing blow, so the problems won't say "I'll be back!" 

I'm Back.

Wow, it has been over 2 months since we last spoke. Please keep that extended period of silence in mind when I excessively ramble throughout the length of this entry.

What have these months brought. Some pleasant, and not so pleasant times. I have spent many hours with friends lately. Be it mostly drinking in the bars, I still consider time spent with friends, regardless of the venue, and usually regardless of the circumstances, to be time well spent, and time when the best of memories are made.

So back to that drinking thing. My view, I am 22 years old. I have a very good job for my age (especially for this economy), I am in great health (aside from those occasional cigarettes and the mild alcohol induced liver damage), and I have no real priorities outside of work to keep me tied down. I choose to drink, predominantly because it is the primary social activity of my age bracket. Most people my age have no dire responsibilities aside from our jobs. We enjoy having fun. And going to a bar, kicking back a few (and it seems to often for some people, too many), and laughing and hugging it up with my closest friends and acquaintances, gives me almost the same amount of joy as a good shag. 

Yes I said shag, as the more commonly used terms would just ruin the light-hearted nature of this entry.

All of that being said. I have probably never been happier. As I have spent most of my life single, being single at the moment has left me only slightly more bummed, if any, than I have ever been. I am so busy with cars, friends, the gym and work. That I have far less thinking and pondering time than I did in college. I have always tried very hard to keep myself occupied. Maybe my ADHD have been my saving grace for being "emo" about being without a GF. 

Yes, I want a GF. No, I'm not going to join E-Harmony. Yes, I am taking the, "it will happen when it will happen approach." No further questions.

So, being nearly my actual bed time, and believing that this briefly composed entry seems rather complete and well-rounded, I am going to close with a short conclusion.

This will probably end up being the best year of my life so far. It seems to only be improving. Yeah, work can be stressful, and I hope that the California Air Resources Board is dismantled and SMOG will cease to exist, but beyond that, I have no grounds for any complaint. Except for maybe to have all human beings who drive on my commute to magically learn to "merge" overnight.

Good night folks.

feeling stuck

It happens far too often to far too many of us aspiring adults. In a world where change is so prevalent and constant you'd expect us to be more capable and willing to adjust to change, or to seek it out. Well, unfortunately not.

We seem to love voluntary new stuff, rather than the changes and alterations that were not borne by our own free will. In the same token, so many things that we wish could be changed never will. And many other things we try to alter to our own avail continually fall short of our expectations. But it is just these challenges that make us stronger, wiser and far better off. POENA PAR SAPIENTIA. It is a Latin phrase that means "pain/punishment for knowledge." It is this notion that helps me to deal with the constant frustration I experience when things do not turn out as intended, or things come at me without my expectation and are unwanted. The best thing we can all do is benefit from the unfortunate. Silver linings are not always obvious, and seldom outweigh the damage of the greater cloud, but we all need something to look forward to.